Lord of the Cookie
by BE-A-TLE
Summary: Its stupid, I know, you don't like it, you can lump it. But hey, don't let that stop ya from reading.


Disclaimer- All right Dudes and Dudettes, the characters of Aragorn, Frodo, Gimli, Legolas, Merry, Pippin, and Sam all belong to J.R.R Tolkien. Pepe the King Prong belongs to the Muppets and whomever owns them ( I think its Disney, but I could be wrong) Kat, Allison, and Vanessa belong to ourselves, and possibly parents. With that of the way, go ahead read if you must.  
  
  
  
Lord of the Cookie  
  
Kat slowly opened her eyes, blinking warily. "Kat?" Glancing over she saw her friends Allison and her younger sister Vanessa. Glancing down at herself she realized she was in her night clothes. A pair of purple pants with Chickens on them, a white tanktop with a fuzzy chick on it, and a pair of chicken slippers. Allison and Vanessa were also in night clothes. Wearing a shorts and top matching puppy print and blank tank top and leopard pants to be exactly On their feet, Allison sported Scooby Slippers to go with the puppy motif she already had going, and Vanessa wore Monkey slippers.  
  
"Okay, so what happened?" Kat demanded.  
  
"Got me." Vanessa replied.  
  
"Well why are we in our night clothes?"  
  
"Againt, we can't help ya." Allison pitched in.  
  
"Well, I'd say were in the woods." Kat said standing.  
  
"What on earth is that funky smell?" Allison asked.  
  
"Blood." Kat replied smiling sickly at the two.  
  
"Halt!" A voice commanded. Whirling around, the three came across a group surprising to say the least.  
  
"Tell me that isn't Frodo." Kat said whirling to face Allison.  
  
"You want me to lie to you then?"  
  
"Your no help."  
  
"Its Legolas!" Vanessa squealed leaping froward. The blonde elf stepped back in surprise.  
  
"Who are you?" Aragorn asked stepping forward.  
  
"Um, well the blonde is Allison, the brunette is Vanessa, and I'm Kat."  
  
"Such unusual names" Gimli murmured.  
  
"Such unusual clothes." Frodo muttered back.  
  
"Tell me, why do you wear the domesticated fowl on your cloth?" Gimli asked.  
  
"Cause I love Chickens Gimli!"Kat replied.  
  
"Oh lord, don't get her started." Allison muttered.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Strider asked, breaking the strange conversation.  
  
"Uh, we don't really know." Allison replied.  
  
"Well you'll come with us for now. It would be no good to leave three women in the woods."  
  
"Thank you." Kat replied. The small group began their trek to the camp, once arriving Kat sat down by the fire. "Allow me to make you some cookies."  
  
"Tushy squeeze!" Vanessa yelled and Legolas let out a cry of surprise.  
  
"She didn't just squeeze the tushy did she?" Kat asked.  
  
"She did." Allison replied.  
  
"Like a roll of charmin?"  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"Oh lord."  
  
"I feel so........dirty!" Legolas squeeked as he scrambled up a nearby tree.  
  
"Wait, I love you!" Vanessa called follwing him up. Legolas frantically jumped to another . Eyeing a low vine Vanessa shrugged and grabbed on and swung, giving off a really bad imitation of a tarzan cry.  
  
"Vanessa! Leave the boy alone!" Kat yelled.  
  
"Boy?" Legolas echoed as he continued his frantic leaping into other trees. He and Vanessa disappeared from sight.  
  
"We must follow!" Aragorn cried. "Come!" He grabbed Kat and pulled her up behind him on the horse.  
  
"Wait, I'm scared of horses!" Kat cried frantically as Aragorn urged the horse forward. With a stifled screech, Kat wrapped her arms around Aragorns waiste, and she wasn't planning on letting go anytime soon.  
  
"Wait for us!" Gimli cried running to catch up. Allison glanced at the four hobbits, and found that Sam was mooning her.  
  
"Oh, nice." Allison muttered. "He's got an Ass-fro." With that she was off, running as fast as her legs would carry her, the Hobbits right on her tail. Reaching a clearing, Allison rolled her eyes at the scene. Legolas was running around a large tree trunk, with Vanessa hot on his heals, Aragorn on the other hand, was trying to peel Kat off him.  
  
"You wanna pull your friend off?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"I would but it would be useless. You know like, when a Wobegone bites, it takes the jaws of life to get it off?" Allison said.   
  
"A what? Jaws of what?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Nevermind." Allison replied.  
  
"Come girl." Gimli growled trying to pull Kat off.  
  
"Kat, your Beatles poster is on fire."  
  
"WHAT?!" Kat leapt off the horse looking around wildly. "Hey wait....You tricked me you son of a-"  
  
"Whoa now!" Aragorn exclaimed slamming his hand around her mouth before she could finish the sentence. She fought against his grimy hand.  
  
"Ew! That's it, I'm going back to the camp. My cookies might be burning!" With a glare to Allison she disappeared through the leaves.  
  
"We can't let her go alone." Gimli grumbled following after her. Before Aragorn could reply, Legolas literally went flying by, he wouldn't have even know it was Legolas if it wasn't for the flash of blonde hair that went whizzing by.  
  
"Come back my love!" Vanessa raced after him.  
  
"Lets go!" Allison hollared taking off after them. Upon reaching camp, Kat could be seen giving a cookie to someone.....it couldn't really be Pepe the King Pronge could it? Her question was quickly answered when the small muppet rushed up to her.  
  
"You have to try this cookie okay?" She took it from him and bit into it.  
  
"Wow, its good." With that he headed to Gimli.  
  
"You have to try this cookie okay?"  
  
"Not now shrimp."  
  
"I am not a shrimp, I am a King Prong!"  
  
"I do not-" Before he could finish his protest, Pepe shoved it into his mouth.  
  
"It is good yes?" Gimli nodded through his mouthful of Cookie.  
  
"Orcs!" Frodo suddenly cried, his blade, Sting, turning blue. Legolas broke free of Vanessa's chase long enough to join the battle as it raged. Vanessa for her part shrank back to Kat an Allison by the fire. Pepe wandered up to Aragorn.  
  
"Aragron." Aragorn ignored him and continued fighting. "Strider, Strider, Strider, STRIDER!"  
  
"What!" Aragorn screamed, while he was momentarily distracted, he was hit and he was sent tumbling to the ground.  
  
"Try this cookie okay?"  
  
"Can't you see I'm wounded?" Aragorn rasped.  
  
"Oh come on, don't be a wussy, the other guy took three arrows and a speech to die." Pepe said, "Try a cookie, you'll feel better, okay?"   
  
"Fine!" Aragorn ate the cookie, and as if he was Popeye who had just eaten his spinich, he leapt to his feet, and the Orcs were defeated. And much rejoicing was had.  
  
"Yes! We the man!" Pippin cried.  
  
"We the man, oh so many things wrong with that." Kat replied rolling her eyes. Legolas was being chased by Vanessa again, and not as much rejoicing was had. As Vanessa ran by, Allison and Kat attempted to close line her, but in her frantic attempt to catch Legolas, she easily knocked the two women to the ground.  
  
"Okay that's it, we gotta tie her up!" Allison exclaimed.  
  
"Good idea, got any rope?"  
  
"Uh, no."  
  
"I have some!" Legolas called throwing some down for them. With the speed of a olympic runner and the power of a full back, Kat plowed Vanessa right into a tree.  
  
"Now remember we're only doing this cause we love you." Allison said as she and Kat quickly wove the rope around Vanessa. Legolas leapt down and took refudge with Aragorn as Vanessa fought against her bonds.  
  
"But I love him, he is my sunshine on a cloudy day, he's my-"  
  
"If you break into song, so help me, I will hurt you." Kat broke in.  
  
"Thank you." Legolas said taking a deep breath.  
  
"Here try a cookie okay..." He handed Legolas a cookie.  
  
"Wait a second......we didn't get any cookies!" Merry shouted.  
  
"We want cookies!" Pippin began to chant. It was then, Sam began to moon everyone again.  
  
"Sam, please, pull up your pants." Kat pleaded, averting her eyes.  
  
"Did you see the ass-fro?" Allison asked. Kat nodded mutely. Sam began to do a little mooning dance then, which consisted of him, shaking his behind side to side.  
  
"There's a tushie to squeeze." Allison muttered to Vanessa.  
  
"I swear if you don't pull your pants up, it'll make it all the easier to get a shoe up there.'' Sam paused for a moment before cinching his pants up. Kat turned and her jaw dropped.  
  
"How'd Vanessa get lose!?" Allison cried, following Kat's gaze.  
  
"Tushie Squeeze!"  
  
"Not again!" Kat flinched at Legolas high pitched protest.  
  
"Girl, leave his butt alone!" Gimli growled.  
  
"Have a cookie okay?" Pepe pipped in again.  
  
"Where did you go?" Allison asked, breaking momentarily from watching Vanessa chase the elf around.   
  
"To get more cookies okay?"  
  
"Vanessa what in Tarturus is that?!" Kat shrieked.  
  
"A Axe." Vanessa replied, beginning to try and chop down the tree Legolas had secured himself in. Gimli quickly did a body search.  
  
"That's my axe!" He rushed forward and snatched it from her.  
  
"Careful of the pointy end, its sharp!" Vanessa advised. He glared at her and Legolas made a desperate leap to another tree.  
  
"Try another......." Suddenly Pepe faltered, a dagger in him.  
  
"Pepe!" Aragorn cried. He staggared a bit before dropping at Aragorn's feet. Pepe motioned for Aragorn to kneal, which he did.  
  
"Have............ a............ cookie................ okay?" And he closed his eyes.  
  
"Noooooooooooo!" Aragorn wailed.  
  
"haha Psych! I'm a muppet, I can't die!" Pepe shot up, reached behind him pulled the dagger, and raced off. To get more cookies they assumed.  
  
"Legolas!" Their worst fears came true. Vanessa had caught Legolas. She had her arms tight around his waiste, and it looked like she was going for another tushie squeeze. It was then all hell broke loose. Sam dropped his pants again, doing his butt shaking dance. Aragorn and Gimli started trying to pull Vanessa off of Legolas, who was howling like a wildcat, Pepe had returned and was promptly trying to get everyone to eat a cookie, Pippin, Merry, were chasing Frodo around trying to grab his mushrboom, and then it happened. After several moments of Katrying to catch there attention, Allison caught everyone's attention. In one quick move, she flashed them. As one the jaws dropped. Pepe dropped all his cookies, and Sam was so stunned he stood with his pants around his ankles, just staring. Aragorn and Gimli stopped trying to pull Vanessa away, Vanessa stopped resisting,and even Legolas gave up his frantic struggles. Kat however put a hand to her brow.  
  
"Please, tell me she didn't just flash them."   
  
"But she did, better than cookies, okay?" Pepe replied.  
  
"Is it me? It isn't me right? Its them........I mean, we have a tushie squeezer, and a flasher, it must be a hereditary thing......I mean.......come on."  
  
"Um, speaking of which, a little help?" Legolas pleaded. With one more powerful joined yank, Vanessa was wrenched free and sent tumbling into Allison. the two girls landed in a heap on the floor. Sam decided that it might be a good timeto resume his mooning dance.  
  
"Okay I warned you about this already." Kat snapped, and taking up the shoe Allison lost in the fall she gave a mighty yell, that frankly they doubted could be duplicated by anyone other than herself, the shoe was gone.  
  
"She didn't just-" Gimli began.  
  
"I think she did." Aragorn replied.  
  
"It couldn't have possibly fit....."Legolas said, eyes growing wide. Sam squeeked and attempted to pull up his pants.  
  
"Kat, please tell me you didn't shove my shoe up his ass." Allison said horrified. Kat smiled a smile that seemed all to suspicous.  
  
"Wait....that's her shoe right there." Pippin spoke up, looking at the shoe that lay partically hidden by Kat's pant leg.  
  
"Then what....."  
  
"Mushroom. Enjoy trying to crap that thing out." Kat grinned and stepped back.  
  
"Your crudeness can be astounding sometimes Kat." Allison said shaking her head.   
  
"Well, that was a nice piece of wizardry." Aragorn commented. "Witch?"  
  
"Nope, just stealth." Aragorn nodded. "Now, as much as we love your company, we really gotta find our way back home."  
  
"Well how did you get here?" Gimli asked.  
  
"I haven't the slighest clue. Last I remember we were having a sleep over." Kat said......suddenly her eyes grew wide. She spun on Allison and Vanessa.  
  
"What?" Allison asked.  
  
"You hit me!"  
  
"I what?!" Allison asked taking a step back.  
  
"Hit me again."  
  
"Your daft!"   
  
"No, I'm not, see I figured it out.......just hit me!"  
  
"Uh, All right.'' Allison picked up the shoe that was formly though to be up Sam's rear end, and clocked Kat a good one, sending her unconcious.  
****************************************************************************  
"Kat? I'm so sorry!"  
  
"Maybe if you hadn't tried to wrestle my shoe away this could have been avoided!"  
  
"Shut up Vanessa!" Kat groaned and put a hand to her head.  
  
"Oh thank goodness, are you all right?"  
  
"Dude, I had the weirdest dream!" Kat exclaimed sitting up right. "Gather round children, and Auntie Kat will tell you all a stroy........"  
  
FINIS  
  
Grand Old Stupidness, from none other than BE-A-TLE (AKA KAT) Herself......bask in the cheesines! Woo! 


End file.
